How did I get here?
One minute I am a trained physiotherapist- the thing that I worked my butt off for four years, and the next minute, I am a stay at home mum- struggling with the shift in my own identity whilst trying to keep sane with my then one child, then 2 children, then 4 children….
Let me rewind for a moment…
I spent 4 years of my life, pouring over textbooks, studying and getting anxiety around treating patients and using a whole heap of my parents’ funds + student loans to become qualified. Through school, I was never a top A student, more your average student who can pass with merit, and the occasional excellence, but it required work. Studious work ethic is something that had been ingrained in my neural circuits from the moment I was born, from the culture that I was raised in and of course my very hard working parents. I enjoyed the sciences at school, I felt competent in biology and chemistry but I just scraped by with a mere pass on physics… I think I disappointed my dad a little that I did not quite have the brains to become a doctor, however he was supportive in a pursuit of a career prospect that neared his (he is a acupuncturist and Chinese medicine practitioner)- becoming a physiotherapist. I dropped visual arts at highschool at year 11, because the limits of only being able to choose 6 subjects meant I had choosen things that would support and open up my future career pathways- and so biology, chemistry, statistics, english, physics and economics it was.
Physiotherapy for me was a job, a job I enjoyed maybe 40-50% of the time at best. The rewards of seeing a person become better under your care and the connections forged through trust and patience made the job worthwhile. However the other 50-60% of time, I struggled with feelings of doubt, frustration, and anxiety. And frankly after having children, I just wasn’t sure I had the energy to pour into others whilst on the job and having to pour into my family at home.
I picked up a paintbrush for the first time (since school) whilst I was pregnant with my first child. I had never used watercolours before (even whilst at highschool, I only remember painting with acrylics), and I found it to be so meditative- to sit and be fully absorbed in the process of putting paint on paper, watching the paint flow and disperse with the water, and of course with no pressure-without being too critical of myself. After the birth of my first child, I found I had a window of 1-2 hours where I didn’t really want to do housework and so I continued to paint. I watched a lot of youtube and skillshare videos, and practiced for years before I felt confident enough to try selling some of my work. Since then I have set up stalls at the little big markets, other local papamoa markets (pre covid, and a couple post covid), made my own store on a NZ makers website- felt, have artworks selling at the artist window gallery in Tauranga, selling greeting cards at the local bookshop as well as 2x pharmacies locally, and finally this- launching of this website…
And the thing is, this art biz isn’t making me a tonne of money, in fact it’s probably making me a massive loss if I count up how much $$$$ I’ve spent over the years- e.g. on my laptop, printer, paper, inks, etcccc but I really really love it. When I get to paint and I am fully immersed in a painting, I can sit for hours (if I am alone at home) and not know where the time has gone. I get to slow down and just get completely and utterly lost in something beautiful, whether that be a landscape, or a flower or a animal. It is something truly beautiful and I count myself blessed that I can see the beauty of the things that I paint. My hope is to inspire others too to slow down, pause, and really take in the beauty that is around us each and every day.
